Ready for a Fall
by feisu-chan
Summary: She looks on, but she deems he doesn't know. But he does, oh he does. For when it rains, he sees her black hair dripping wet, her eyes shine as the water reflects the light. And he always wishes she is really there.


**Ready for a Fall

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**

_She looks on, but she deems he doesn't know. But he does, oh he does. For when it rains, he sees her black hair dripping wet, her eyes shine as the water reflects the light. And he always wishes she is really there.

* * *

_

She looks on. On top of rooftops gazing only at you, heedless of the beautiful sunset that levels her purple eyes only focusing on you. On your dresser where she used to sleep, beside your desk as you tried to listen to lessons but your mind wanders off.

She looks on. Do you know?

She has that wistful face as she stands in front of you but you just walk right past through her. Do you know? Do you not feel? Her genuine lavender scent only bestowed upon nobles her beauty alone can easily surpass, can you smell?

_You sit there in my shadows,_

She is here. Everywhere. She promised that, didn't she? One day she will return, to this town where it all started.

_and you call it your relief_.

And she would stay on, always looking, always following. She had asked for her brother's permission, and for her captain's understanding, for time to spend with you. She said she wants to know how you are doing. Are you faring well? Do you still bicker with your dad on mornings? Or tease your sisters until you laugh so hard? Do you eat your lunch at the rooftop, sipping orange juice with a straw?

She wants to know, you see?

_Don't be the one with bad eyes for the things that I could see._

If ever you have been moving on and trying to live a normal life. Surely you do not forget, do you? Though, you surely are. But she wants to know, painfully so, if you miss it?

_(Don't give me that.)_

Because somehow, she knows she is selfish like that. She was the reason you once lived a messy life and have pushed yourself to the edge, she knew that. But still, she is selfish, she knows, and that somehow she wants you to look for a way to see her again.

For reasons so you can go back to her world, maybe not to fight, but to just be around.

_Will you go after me?_

Now she is here. Watching you while she sits at a branch as you walk home from school. You hit Keigo's head for something he said. She laughs. He must have said something stupid again. Maybe talking you into eating at the new maid café downtown, or skipping school tomorrow. Or maybe something lewd.

_Where will you go after I set you free?_

She jumps down the tree, and skips a bit to keep up to your long strides. You wave at Keigo and Mizuiro, saying you'll see them again tomorrow. She looks down, to her sandaled feet, to the pale ground. She murmurs something inaudible, but pain is etched on her face.

She wishes that you can see. If you look down to your left, she wishes that you can see her hair. Then you will ruffle it and call her midget. Or you'll just complain and say, "Oi, you're too close. I can step on you."

But she clenches her fist and tells herself that it is inevitable. Still, this might just be something you like. Because for her, to hope is to be selfish. And for you, it is to live. So, she better stops hoping, and just be there, in your shadows. Always, always looking on.

_And I don't know you from a page in my book,_

You turn right to an alley; she notices that it isn't the one to your house. Maybe a new shortcut, she muses. Then, you stop at the intersection and walk over to a light post. It was going dark, but the post isn't lit yet. You lean your back to it and cross your hands to your chest. You fall silent, looking on to the streets.

After a long pregnant silence, you speak. "I never knew what happened to you."

For a moment, her heart skips and almost thinks it was to her your words are directed. She almost opens her mouth to answer back, but then realizes, painfully so, that you never know she was even there. Still, she hopes you are somehow being melancholic and thinking of her.

"Did you finally go to heaven?" you asked, in soft whispers. "I've never seen you again even when I still could."

She looks up to study your face. You do look melancholic. Torn. Is it the dead little girl you are talking to? She wants to tell you that the Plus was devoured by a Hollow so long ago, when she used to live in this town with her gigai. She doesn't, however. For if ever you can hear her say it, you might feel bad again. Always wanting to protect everyone dear to you. Somehow, she senses that the Plus was someone you want to take the responsibility of protecting. After all, you have tried to so long ago, when the Dead Girl was chased by a hollow.

That's you. Always working hard to protect everyone. Though, you once said you only want to fight for the ones you hold dear. She thinks otherwise. You want to protect every one. You have given up everything for this town; that much says a lot about you.

She smiles, her own melancholic smile. You're really stupid, she thinks, remembering your idiotic, yet heroic, entrance as the Soukyoku blade was about to slash at her.

_though I should._

The walk to your house was uneventful, quiet. Not that she expects you to talk. But uneventful. Although, she can feel the tension surrounding you. It is heavy, and she wants to know what you are thinking about.

"Nothing," you would say. And she will leave it at that. For there is a mutual understanding between you two, and she knows you are thinking of a lot of things. Like now, she knows you are thinking of the past. Of probably relief – or, she dares, regret – on getting the burden off your shoulders. Of probably nostalgia and worry over those you can no longer see and feel.

But she will never know if you are somehow thinking of her, or if you ever do. Of course, you do. Right? Each morning you look at your closet, you think of her. When it rains, you think of her. Is she alright? Does she ever come to Karakura? Is she already a seated officer?

Does she also think of you?

_Now my wonders rally, about the person I once was_.

You turn the knob and yank the door open. "Tadaima!" you yell. She goes in behind you and marvels at your home as if this is her first time seeing it. She just feels warm, to be entering your front door once again. She has been to your room, the first place she went to, when she arrived. But she always exits through your window, like she usually does way back when.

"Okaeri, onii – Are?" You see Karin's eyes fill her face, surprise and amaze. Her mouth gaping, unable to finish what she is about to say. Beside you, she puts her finger over her lips, silencing your sister.

"Aaa… Nii-chan, dinner's ready," she finishes, and turns around towards the stairs to get something from the room she shares with Yuzu.

"I thought you saw a ghost," you mumble sardonically. You know that's most likely it. But you never talk about these things with her, or at least not anymore. Not after what happened to you.

You try to push the nagging emptiness you have been trying to fill aside. You don't need to linger on things you have lost any more than necessary. You learn how to get past it. After all, this is something you have wanted since you were young. A peaceful life, a normal kid finishing high school, then college. And probably settle for a decent work and a decent family.

Something you might never get otherwise.

However, she feels it, too. Your loneliness. And your struggle to tie loose ends. She extends her hand to touch your arm, somehow trying to tell you you'd be okay; that this is for the better.

But fails, painfully so.

You don't feel that, do you? She hopes you do. And she struggles to get past the fact that you'll never do. Because, again, doing so is only selfishness.

_Like a bird that I've been helping  
Hope you're healed and strong_

_You never know when you might have to fly._

You sling your bag away to the sofa as you walk to the dining table. Your father rushed from the clinic as he hears you come home.

"Teme! How many times do I have to tell you?" he screams dramatically.

"Shut up, 'tou-san!"

"A good boy always comes home at five o'clock!" You ignore him and proceed to sit at your usual chair in the dining table. He sits opposite you and suddenly wears that scheming look on his face. He smiles at you and wriggles his eyebrows.

"What?"

"Nothing," he chimes. "You take after your father, son." Crazy, you think. And even crazier when you see him wink. Not at you, though. She waves her hand in recognition. She misses your noisy family – okay, so it's just your dad who's noisy (and maybe also you, sometimes).

Karin enters the room, and pulled an extra chair beside you. She sits, and you just shrug.

"Itadakimasu!" Yuzu cheerfully exclaimed, prompting the family to dig in. She misses the food your sister endearingly cooks. Her okonomiyaki for breakfast, and the bentou she prepares for everyone, her cookies in the afternoon.

She feels warm. She is spoiled back home, everything already perfectly done for her, and she never lifts a finger. She lives in luxury her brother lovingly – yet in a very subtle way – showers for her. She has her friends there, her best friend who also never misses a moment to worry about you.

But she has grown to get attached to your world, even in the short course of time she had spent here. She has learned how to be human like you, with you. And in your world she will always find a home.

Even if all she can do is look on.

You excuse yourself after dinner; have homework to do, you say.

"Be good, son. Be good!" Your father is wriggling his eyebrows again; Karin just smirks at his antics.

"Teme!"

You finally reached your room, and slump into your bed. You watch the ceiling, your hands behind your head. You have reacquainted with it a million times that you can memorize the cracks with closed eyes.

"Good to have you back, Rukia," you whisper. She quickly turns her head to your direction, bewilderment filling her face. You suddenly wish to see her reaction, is she surprised that you know?

"H-how? Ichigo, you can see me?" she asks, completely stupefied.

"I can see you confused in my head."

In your head? It takes her a minute until she realizes that you still can't. A part of her is relieved to know that for she would seriously cast a high-level kido on you for ignoring her the whole day when you can actually see her all along. But a greater part shatters.

"How'd you -"

"Tatsuki kept looking at my side when I came to school this morning. Ishida also had that funny face. I knew you followed me home when Karin had that stupid expression on her face."

"Can you hear me, Ichigo?"

"You're quite a stalker, aren't you?"

"What did you say?"

"Kon's not around anymore, if you noticed. It's a lot quieter now. That stupid doll lost the pill –"

"It's not a pill, it's called modsoul, idiot!" she corrects.

"– and went back to being a doll. It's in the twin's room; Yuzu took it from my closet."

She smiles, recalling that annoying plushy, and she somehow wants to hear him shout 'nee-san'. Her reveries are interrupted when you speak again. She listened. You ask how everyone is back in Soul Society. She answers, and you pause as if waiting for her to finish. You can never hear what she says. She might be filling you in with great news, like Renji finally beating her brother – or something. Or Kira finally getting the Third Squad's Captain Seat. Or Hollows now more tolerable than before.

She asks you a question, you don't answer. How can you? You can never hear it. Will you be able to hear her voice again? She still painfully hopes so. But you deem it's just irrelevant thinking about it.

_High hopes through time passing._

"I'm going to sleep now," you announce. "It's good to talk to you again, Rukia." You know it isn't really talking, you did all the talking. Does she know, though, that sometimes you talk to yourself while alone, hoping she's somewhere near listening? Probably not. But to know that while you speak, she's indeed sitting beside you, listening and answering with words you can never hear.

"You can crash in for the night, if you're not in a hurry to go back yet. The closet's clean." Does she know? That for a year and a half, you've been keeping it clean, and even store a fluffy pillow and clean blankets for when she visits, she has a room to stay? Maybe now she'd know.

And inside, you're glad that she would.

_When I see I want you there._

"Baka, I'm going home." She stands and walks toward your window; you turn to your side, your back facing her. "Or maybe I can stay for the night. Nii-sama wouldn't mind. I think."

She'll deal with her brother on her return. Tonight, she can afford to stay. She walks back across the room and into your dresser. She covers herself with your blanket and pulls it up to her face. She likes the feel of it, it feels warm; and your scent was all over, it was intoxicatingly sweet.

You turn around again, this time facing the closet. You wonder if she's still here. You look on, checking for any movements in the half-opened cabinet. You see none. That's because you cannot see ghosts or souls move anymore. She usually hates the light when she sleeps, but this time, she leaves the closet open.

And she looks on. Upon your pensive face carve with the horrors and adventures of the past. You are looking at her, do you know? Staring at her, even. And her heart flips for in that moment, somehow she knows that you can see her. Truly see her.

_If it was this easy to find you,  
_

Finally, you close your eyes, silently thanking her for making the rain stop. Even for the briefest time. Even if you know that maybe tomorrow it would start raining again.

_I should be ready for a fall.

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**AN:**_ Oha-luckyyyy! Too angsty for your taste? I KNOOOOW! c: Okay, this was inspired by none other than BLEACH Chapter 424 (i'm not sure what chapter exactly, but the latest one when the time skip happened). The idea should have been written at a later date, but the moment feels right. Hence, IchiRuki angst overload! They are, after all, the very first angst couple of the action-pack, blood-thirsty, manly, manly BLEACH.

**Title Reference: **Ready for a Fall, by PJ Olsson.

_Italics:_ Lyrics from said song.

**STANDARD DISCLAIMER APPLIES**. **ENJOY~**

**PS**: To Chemiskorpion0002, is this what you call a lyric-ed? Yep, I think so. SO, there! I have my first of hopefully a lot more songfic! XD


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